Drink and Be Merry, For Tomorrow We Die.
By Mr Round Gogos (alias).
In a land far away lives a guy called Zambreezy. He’s a cool guy who enjoys his drink at several pubs in town. There are two types of beer that Zambreezy drinks – one is local and the other is foreign. Today, he finds himself in the pub which sells foreign beer because here they show the latest English Premier League games. Zambreezy owns a construction company, a school, and a clinic. He also likes to take his construction workers out for drinks.
Mr Li enters the bar. He starts buying rounds for everyone and people go crazy! Zambreezy, not one to turn down a free beer, starts enjoying a round on Mr Li. After a while, Mr Li starts asking for certain favours from the patrons. People are in good spirits so they oblige. (Here’s the first lesson. The difference between beer bought on credit from bar owners and beer bought from Mr Li is the difference between what economists call concessional and non-concessional loans. The latter are more generous and they’re Mr Li’s preferred type.)
In pubs, there is an unspoken code whereby if someone buys you a drink when you’re broke, you repay them with a drink when you get your money later. When Zambreezy has money, you can usually find him drinking foreign beer and speaking fancy English. He likes to raise his voice so that everyone hears him.
But after a few years of doing this, he starts to accumulate significant amounts of debt. A few bar owners in the area get together and ask him to pay back his debt because it’s becoming too large. (Did I also mention that he orders his foreign beer in another currency which makes it even more expensive?)
Zambreezy makes a wild plan. He hires a French guy called Lazy-D who is a specialist at negotiating beer debt. Lazy-D is well connected and knows a lot of these bar owners. Zambreezy and Lazy-D sit down at one of the pubs. Unironically, Lazy-D orders some beer on Zambreezy’s tab and discussions begin. (Meanwhile, a guy with round gogos walks into the bar and orders a big Mosi. He goes to the jukebox and puts a song by Drimz on replay called “Mwankole”. He hits the dance floor and starts doing Mvunga dance.)
There is another guy called Imfwiti. He doesn’t drink and in the world of beer debt, he has strong connections. All the bar owners know and respect him. He is usually posted in the corner of a pub and occasionally offers soft loans to people who get into beer debt. Although these are loans with no interest or below-market rates of interest, they come with some very strict conditions. (In 2017, Zambreezy and Imfwiti were negotiating a beer debt bailout package but it didn’t go to plan due to a misunderstanding. Imfwiti didn’t like that Zambreezy kept buying beer for his construction workers.) But they’ve started talking again and everything seems to be going well. But Imfwiti is unlikely to help Zambreezy until Zambreezy knows of his job situation post-August 2021.
***
Zambreezy, Lazy-D and the bar owners sit down and the discussions begin. He asks for an extended period of time to find the money to pay back the debt. He explains that due to the COVID-19 pandemic, he has been in and out of work and cannot manage to pay until he gets back on his feet. He’s also had to close his school and his clinic is under a lot of pressure.
The bar owners are not sure if they can trust Zambreezy because he is still drinking local beer plus they are not sure how many rounds Mr Li keeps buying for him.
Later, Zambreezy finds Mr Li and begins negotiations with him. Mr Li agrees to let Zambreezy defer some of his debt until he’s financially back on his feet.
Zambreezy continues negotiations with the bar owners and Mr Li separately whilst still hoping to secure a beer debt bailout package from Imfwiti.
All the while, Zambreezy continues sipping his local beer. As they say, “local is laka” so drink and be merry. For tomorrow we die.
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